Are You a Caregiver or Just a Good Child?...

The way you view your role makes a big difference For some of us, middle age brings new opportunities — career reinvention, an empty nest, and time to pursue new interests. For millions of others, it brings the daunting and awkward responsibility of caring for an ailing parent. Nearly 10 million adults over age 50 give full- or part-time care to their parents in the United States, and their numbers are growing. As a recent paper in the academic journal The Geronotlogist put it, “the longevity of the relationships that baby boomers have with their parents and siblings is unprecedented,” and the generation “will witness unprecedented numbers of people who both provide care to the generation that preceded them and require care from the generation that will follow.” The role of caregiver is as old as human history. But today, as several experts in family caregiving have discovered, how you identify yourself — as a “caregiver” or a “good child” who is “helping Mom out” — can make a crucial difference in how the role affects you. Why Your Identification Matters “Caregiving means caring for both your loved one and yourself, so the health and well-being of two people are at stake when caregivers do not self-identify,” says Next Avenue columnist Sherri Snelling, chief executive of the Caregiving Club. When you don’t think of yourself as a caregiver, you may fail to take advantage of a range of support services available to help you manage the role. “Employers, community agencies, national organizations, and local and federal government offer services to help caregivers, but first you have to know you are one. By speaking up and saying ‘I’m a caregiver’ you will find resources that can help you care for...

5 Tips to Find Meaning and Purpose in Later Life...

How to program your internal GPS in retirement Throughout my middle years, I never questioned what held meaning in my life. The scaffolding of my identity as a successful college Chief Financial Officer and owner of a thriving software company was built into the job. What I did was who I was, and that was the end of it. Then, once I moved over to the other side of full-time work, the picture became less clear. Take the job away and who was I? Stepping aside, I was more than ready to bequeath my left-brained razzle-dazzle to the young Turks whose beta-wave-oriented brains were just reaching full-flourish mode. I could also sense that new personal capacities were opening up for me, which could change my sudden sense of loss to a sense of gain. I felt something stir within me: The potential of moving forward with vitality and purpose. Yet I had only the slightest awareness of how to construct such a new reality. Six years later, life is again a happy adventure and my mission is clear. (I captured that journey towards wholeness in my recent memoir, Sailing the Mystery.) Here are five tips that will hopefully ease your passage into a purpose-filled later life: 1. Identify the activities that provide you with a sense of purpose. There is no objective reality when it comes to defining what we find personally meaningful — we’re all wired differently. Some of us feel purposeful when we experience a sense of direction, others when we’re engaged in nurturing and still others when we are immersed in nature. The key is to know what works for you. My favorite process of gaining discernment is to keep a notebook over a month (or...

7 Back Pain Myths Busted...

Experts explain why these common pieces of advice are wrong Approximately 80 percent of Americans can expect to experience back pain at some point in their lifetimes. If you find yourself hurting and decide to search online for “back pain solutions” you’ll find reams of information — some of it contradictory and even harmful. Check with your doctor if you’re having pain. And listen to what top experts say about the most common back pain myths and what really works. Myth No. 1: A fitness ball is better than an office chair for your back. Reality: The idea of sitting on a cushy ball instead of a traditional office chair seems like an easy way to strengthen your core and ease back pain, but the lack of support can be less than ideal. “Plus, simply sitting on the ball does not automatically activate your core,” says Nara Yoon, a physical therapist practicing in Manhasset, N.Y. Using your core involves consciously engaging your core muscles, as well as finding the right size ball and practicing proper posture. A ball should enable you to sit with your thighs parallel to the floor. “If it’s too small your hips will drop below your knees and promote a slouched posture,” says Yoon. In addition, posture may suffer once core muscles fatigue. If you decide to try a fitness ball, alternate it with a traditional office chair throughout the day, and especially at the first sign of back fatigue. Myth No. 2: You should always get a massage. Reality: When you’re in pain, a massage may help in some cases and hurt in others, depending on the cause of the back pain. “For instance, the lower back may feel tight because of a muscle...

Fiftysomething Diet: Make a Healthier Breakfast...

After 50, your body requires smarter morning choices to get you through the day If you want your brain to be alert, start the day with a healthful breakfast — you’ve heard that since grammar school. But when you’re over 50, your brain must be on alert even before you sit down at the breakfast table: You can’t just grab the nearest cereal box or whip up a batch of pancakes to start the day. Well, you can — but you need to make smart choices, and that’s where we can help. Studies show that, in addition to enhancing your brain power, making smart food choices in the a.m. can help fiftysomethings keep blood sugar on an even keel, lower cholesterol levels and ward off Type 2 diabetes. The tricky part is that your older body needs fewer calories — but it doesn’t need fewer nutrients. Your body won’t be very forgiving if you feed it sugary buns, fried donuts or fatty breakfast sandwiches. The solution: Remodel breakfast so that it’s nutrient-dense yet lean and light. When you do this, it will be just as flavorful, it not more so. It’s not all that complicated. Just keep a few key points in mind: Don’t be too stingy with calories. Your body has fasted all night and now’s the time to refuel so that you have energy to start the day right. A lightly active fiftysomething woman can aim for 450 to 500 calories, which is what the sample breakfasts below provide. Men can add another 100 to 200 calories by increasing the portions. Always include a healthy amount of protein (at least 15 grams) and plenty of fiber, somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 to 10 grams. Stick with...

Paul McCartney, Speaking Words of Wisdom...

6 life and work lessons from the latest show of the legendary Beatle After telling friends I’d seen Paul McCartney’s sold-out show in Minneapolis recently, I heard these questions: Was he still good? Did you smell pot? Did he play (insert your favorite Beatles song here)? To answer: McCartney, 72, looked and sounded fantastic. I did not smell pot where I was seated. Yes, he probably played (insert Big Hit here). He’s a legend, after all. Nearly every song during the three-hour show was once a chart-topper. But watching McCartney and listening to his stage stories made me think about more than his amazing musical talents. What resonated was his genuineness and ease on stage, a comfort and command that are hallmarks of aging well — eight years after he turned 64. Here are six lessons I gleaned from McCartney’s show, both for career success and living a vital life: Claim your place. McCartney unabashedly owns his spot in the pantheon of great entertainers, not in an obnoxious, prima donna kind of way, but by conveying authority and confidence. He’s not back to where he once belonged—he’s staying where he clearly belongs, leading the songs, the band, the whole show. He shares his talents — like his roaring guitar on Purple Haze as a transition to Let Me Roll It — and stories, like the one about attending a Jimi Hendrix show in Britain when Hendrix was relatively unknown. McCartney said Hendrix “called out into the crowd for Eric (Clapton),” asking for help tuning his guitar after shredding through a song. Clapton refused, according to McCartney, with a “Do it yourself!” shrug. “He was a great guy,” McCartney said of Hendrix. “So humble.” McCartney wasn’t name-dropping but showing his...

What’s Best in the Second Half of Life: Cardio or Weights?...

What you need to know to determine your optimal fitness plan Well-rounded workout plans generally include both weights and cardiovascular exercise. But physical changes that occur with aging raise questions about which type of exercise is best — and at what age — for reducing risks, such as falling, that come with the second half of life. While the weights vs. cardio question is a hot topic among experts in the fitness industry, the rest of us want to know which is better, too. Read on for the arguments for both sides to help you decide on your best plan. The Case for Cardio “The American College of Sports Medicine emphasizes cardio for all people at all ages,” says Irv Rubenstein, an exercise physiologist and founder of S.T.E.P.S., a science based fitness facility in Nashville, Tenn. “It not only improves cardiovascular health but also helps control blood sugar and cholesterol, which have become the big dogs in the fight against wellbeing.” The type of cardio exercise you choose is important in determining which benefits you gain, says Rubenstein. For example, biking and the elliptical trainer work well for heart health and quadriceps strength (which become weaker with age), but don’t benefit bone density as much as impact exercises such as walking or jogging. Cardio exercise, in general, is a must for 50+ people, says Rubenstein. In addition to its heart health and blood sugar controlling benefits, aerobic exercise helps improve brain functioning and memory, according to a 2013 study from the University of Texas at Dallas. Sedentary adults ages 57 to 75 who practiced aerobic exercise for one hour, three times a week for 12 weeks, increased blood flow to an area of the brain linked to superior cognition...

Retiring in the Next 5 Years: A Financial To-Do List...

Take these 10 steps now and you’ll be ready to roll into retirement As we run through our daily to-do lists — go to work, attend meetings, battle traffic, get home, spend time with the family, eat dinner, sleep, repeat — retirement might seem like a lifetime away. The clutter and work of the everyday often makes us forget that soon we’ll be quieting down, moving at a slower pace and enjoying all those things we’ve been working towards over the past decades. With that in mind, I have found it helpful to develop a to-do list for those planning to retire in the next five years. This to-do list doesn’t involve finishing up projects or returning phone calls. It’s designed to ensure that when you retire, you’ll see continued financial stability and success and never have to look back. Everyone’s list may look a little different, of course, but below are a few things that should get you moving in the right direction: 1. Pencil out your retirement budget and start adjusting your finances accordingly. When we daydream about our retirements, we like to think about breathtaking vacations and adventures we may not have had time for while working. But you need to take time to consider not only the fun expenses, but the monthly bills and day-to-day expenses you expect to face. To that end, make sure you have an accurate, up-to-date financial plan. Once you stop working, you’re going to have to adjust to a retirement budget that could be tighter than the one you live on now. This could mean a big financial adjustment requiring changes in your lifestyle and some critical money decisions. The sooner you start preparing for them, the better. 2. Determine...

11 Ways to Increase Your Energy...

Vitality doesn’t come in pills. You have to change your daily habits. In the commencement address he gave to graduates of Kenyon College in 2005, award-winning novelist David Foster Wallace talked about fish: “Two young fish are swimming along when they happen to meet an older fish swimming in the opposite direction. The older fish nods at them and says: ‘Morning, boys. How’s the water?’ The two young fish swim on for a bit. Eventually one of them looks over at the other and says, ‘What the hell is water?’ That was Wallace’s example of how when something is always present in your life, you don’t notice it. Well, it’s the same for energy. Much like the water in Wallace’s parable, energy is something you take for granted — until you don’t have it. What’s more, you can’t get it, at least not in the traditional sense. Trying to do so is like trying to grasp water in your hand: It just slips through your fingers and splatters on the ground. However, if you cup your palm, water can sit in it, unperturbed. Consider this: You don’t have to teach 2-year-olds ways to have more energy; that’s the way they come out of the box. So really, it’s not that we don’t have energy; it’s that we’ve created conditions — often by many years of bad lifestyle choices — that make it almost impossible for energy to show up. After spending years constructing all kinds of roadblocks to that energy, now we wonder how to get it back. The answer is to remove the conditions that keep it from surfacing. Some of the ways to do that are common sense. Others require that we change some of our daily habits....